


do you think about me too

by eosandselene



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-20 20:16:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14268711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eosandselene/pseuds/eosandselene
Summary: Sometimes he looked at Felix and faltered. As cliché as it sounded, Felix was the sun – bright and powerful, shiny and unobtainable. He made everything clearer, even with his fumbling Korean.





	do you think about me too

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Yestoday by NCT

Changbin wasn’t a self-absorbed person. He noticed things around him, tried his best to see beyond the day-to-day facade that most people put up. He liked to be sure about a person’s true motives before trusting them and he never made assumptions about someone’s feelings without stable proof. In short, he wouldn’t have done this if he hadn’t been sure about the outcome.

This, being confessing his feelings to Felix.  
   
Sometimes he looked at Felix and faltered. As cliché as it sounded, Felix was the sun – bright and powerful, shiny and unobtainable. He made everything clearer, even with his fumbling Korean.  
   
Changbin had spent years cultivating a specific personality, dark and closed off. When Chan had first approached him about incorporating 3RACHA into a larger idol group he had been wary – he didn’t know these other people, he didn’t want his future to rest on anyone else. But over the span of a few months, these people had weaselled their way into his heart, had become his second family. He loved them all, and they made him feel safe enough to send the ‘dark’ persona he had adopted and be himself without feeling like he was compromising his image.  
   
But Felix made Changbin’s full heart fuller. Felix filled his heart up to the brim, made him so emotional. Every time Felix screamed at his aegyo, or laughed at his jokes, or complimented his rapping, Changbin felt his feelings rise into his throat and his heart beat double in speed. He didn’t understand why this crush, just a crush, only ever a crush affected him so badly. 

So, after much cajoling from Chan and Woojin to confess to Felix, it had been less surprising and more like a slap in the face when Changbin was turned down.  
   
There had been signs, goddamnit! Everyone had noticed, all of that touching and staring and clinging, it had meant something. Surely, it had to have meant something.

But still, here Felix was, an anxious look in his eyes as he rocked his weight from foot to foot. “I’m sorry hyung. I don’t feel the same way,”  
And just like that, Changbin’s full heart shattered.

“Oh,”

Every glance, every brush of their hands; nothing. Every time Chan had raised his eyebrows and hidden his smirk behind his coffee cup; nothing. Every almost, every maybe, every not yet; all reduced to nothing. In six words, Felix had turned Changbin’s hopes to dust.  
No, that was stupid. Changbin existed outside of his feelings for Felix. He was a fully realised human being and no amount of feelings for any boy, no matter how cute, could ever overshadow the other aspects of his personality. He was a talented musician with a happy family and close friends. It might feel like his world was coming crashing down around his shoulders, but that was stupid. Changbin didn’t need Felix to like him back. It would have been nice, but it wasn’t a nescessity. He could deal with rejection.    
“I really am sorry,” Felix repeated, but Changbin just shook his head.  
   
“It’s okay. you can’t force yourself to like me. Unless...” He took a deep breath, and sacrificed his pride, “Is there no chance you could grow to like me?”  
   
Felix’s expression, already downcast, dropped even further.

“I wish I could, hyung. But, truthfully, there’s...” he shuffled his feet and stared at the floor, picking at his nails. His posture screamed ‘anxious’ and Changbin wanted to bridge the three feet between them to comfort him, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. So instead, Changbin waited, already knowing what whatever it was Felix said, he wouldn’t like it.

“There’s someone else,” Felix finally whispered.  
   
And suddenly, everything clicked for Changbin. “Jisung,” he murmured. Felix didn’t confirm or deny it, but he didn’t have to. The way his head shot up and his hands stilled said enough.

How hadn’t Changbin noticed before? Now that he thought about it, it was obvious.   
   
Felix spent his days vying for Changbin’s attention, whining when he didn’t get it. Everything about his interactions with Changbin screamed ‘cry for attention’. He flirted and gave over the top reactions in a typical fan-service like manner. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real. 

Felix and Jisung, on the other hand, fit together like puzzle pieces. They were quiet where Felix and Changbin were loud, soft together everywhere Felix and Changbin were harsh. When the cameras were off, Felix became quieter, and so did his attention towards Changbin. But no matter what the cameras were doing, Felix and Jisung stayed the same.  
   
He wanted to say he wasn’t surprised, that he’d seen coming a mile away. He hadn’t. Between Chan and Minho egging him on and Woojin making ‘changlix’ jokes constantly, he had actually begun to believe he had a chance.

“He doesn’t know,” Felix whispered, and Changbin wanted to cry.

“I won’t tell him,” He said instead.  
   
They stood there in an awkward silence for a while longer, Felix wringing his hands and Changbin just standing still, till Chan came to find them.  
   
“Hey, we’ve been looking for you two everywhere, we’re about to start dance practice again,” he stilled as he took in the tense atmosphere, “Are you two alright? Did something happen?”  
   
Felix spluttered, opening and closing his mouth several times as nothing came out. Changbin just sighed. “We’re fine hyung. Come on, Felix,” He turned and walked out of the room.  
   
It didn’t hurt, he told himself, as he watched Jisung throw himself on Felix the moment he entered the practice room. Felix’s face went from tense and pensive to looking... serene. Content. At peace. There was no other way to describe it. He made it la ok like Jisung’s arms were where he was meant to be. 

Changbin scoured Jisung’s face for anything that could show he had feelings for Felix, but came away blank. Jisung looked the same as he always did. Felix was in love, he realised, and Jisung would never know. Felix would be left to watch as Jisung fell in love with someone else, unable to do anything.

Thank god Changbin’s own feelings had never gotten that far. After all, it had only ever been a crush.  
   
Hs repeated that over and over throughout practice. Maybe, if he thought it enough, he would begin to believe it.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first proper attempt at writing angst, so please let me know what you thought! Also, if you find any typos please tell me!!


End file.
